


tears are nothing but the shape of our weakness (and they won’t bring any absolution)

by underscorepidge



Series: equivalent exchange;; fullmetal alchemist au [1]
Category: Black Veil Brides, Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Palaye Royale (Band)
Genre: (:, Andy is a trans girl in this au and uses she/her, Brief Mention of Vomit, Character Death, Fullmetal Alchemist AU, Gen, Human Transmutation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:01:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23903533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/underscorepidge/pseuds/underscorepidge
Summary: they are both so small, so weak, upon the eve of their mothers' passing.for humankind to gain, they first must give. equal value is due the course.
Series: equivalent exchange;; fullmetal alchemist au [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1722970
Kudos: 5





	tears are nothing but the shape of our weakness (and they won’t bring any absolution)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Panic_boy_21](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Panic_boy_21/gifts).



> *Smash Bros announcer voice* A NEW AU APPROACHES!
> 
> yes, I am once again back on my anime bullshit. truthfully, it's been a while (a LONG while) since I've watched either Fullmetal Alchemist or Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, so anything mentioned in this series (homunculus, equivalent exchange, referenced battles) either comes from what I remember, or a quick skim of the wikipedia page.
> 
> the title for this fic comes from the translated lyrics to Again by YUI, aka the first opening to Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood.
> 
> this is also a (late) birthday present for my friend Remy! ily bitch <3
> 
> enjoy!

when Remington is just of the tender age of eleven, his little brother soon to be ten, their mother passes from unknown causes, specks of red (rich, rich red, the color of war) upon her apron as she collapsed to the floor, basket of clean towels going with. Emerson cried out in alarm, falling to his knees as Remington runs for the door, screaming for someone (anyone!) to come help, their mom is hurt and he has no idea what's going on-  
suddenly, there are people trampling through the open door, pushing Emerson into his brothers arms. they are both helpless to do anything but watch as their many faces grow somber, hats being held to chests, a pit of dread somewhere in the bottom of Remington's stomach. upon the dot at nine o'clock in the morning, Stephanie Kropp is pronounced deceased, dead of seemingly unknown causes. her two little boys (the lights of her slowly diminishing life) don't recall much after that, for darkness swallows them both. the funeral is a somber affair; their suits feel too heavy for their frail little bodies, eyes with no light watching the droplets slide down their mother's coffin, hollow hearts in steady mourning as she is laid to rest a final time, the freshly dug earth her bed. no one is quite sure how to approach the children who sit in the very front row of rickety old seats; a small child with big blue eyes and blonde hair pulled into a ponytail reached out, sweeping the brothers into a weak grip hug. Andy bites at her lip as Remington finally allows himself to break down, anguished sobs and blotchy red cheeks as he and Emerson cling to each other for dear life; they don't have much more to their name, after all. it's two young men left to fend for themselves in a world that was forever changing. with a steely resolve like no other, Andy made the promise to always be by her boys' side; they were family, after all.

.

it takes all of two weeks for the brothers to get back on their feet, shied away from everyone to mourn for a while. the house that once was home had turned into a child's playground; books were strewn about while half completed transmutation circles littered the floor, ink stains on hands and crumpled up balls of paper. Emerson had taken to the notes in the labs below them, murmuring the names of chemical compounds with a reverence the elder had not seen since their mother passed; likewise, the younger of the two had taken to watching his brother with an eagle-eyed gaze, heart swelling with joy when he starts to properly talk again, mouth and mind going at the speed of light. there is a sheet of notes that sits upon the stack of books by the bed, torn at its edges and yellowing with age, yet held with a such a strong grip that the letters at the top of it are big and bold, spelling out "HUMAN TRANSMUTATION" as clear as day. they've heard of it before, in the brief whisperings of a father they barely knew; it was the power to bring someone back to the land of the living, restored in full form. perhaps they could bring their mother home with this, so they would all be together once again. with their new goal in mind, the boys set out to work, never noticing the smudge of ink at the very bottom, a mockery of the words "DO NOT ATTEMPT" to be lost to determination. Andy's grandfather was worried something sick when she returned from her visit to the house, brow furrowed in deep thought; her boys were up to something, although she hadn't the faintest idea as to the purpose. the curtains were drawn upon their next visit, a courtesy common in the town as a notion for privacy. they pursed their lips but left regardless, leaving the two children inside to their own devices. but somewhere in-between time and space itself, a being of no concrete form, but immense power, grins like it's the cat that got the canary.

.

"We have water, ammonia, carbon..."  
Remington didn't bother to look up as Emerson rattled off all their necessary ingredients, holding a steady grip as he draws a circle on the freshly swept basement floor. it's an intricate piece, one the brothers spent what felt like an eternity designing. his fingers still hold phantom aches from how hard he would grip the pencil. dusting his knees off upon standing up, Remington watches as Emerson sets the dish down gently in the very center, offering a small knife to cut his palm with. Remington hums as he watches Emerson's blood drip into the dish, mingling with the contents already there. carefully, as to not smudge the chalk, Emerson joins his brother outside the circle, both dropping to their knees. "Ready?" Remington asks him eagerly, and when he enthusiastically nods back, they both clap their hands together, before slamming down on the circle. white-gold light crackles all around them in a brilliant shower of sparks, the mixture in the middle beginning to bubble, and everything seems alright in that brief moment. this is, of course, before the golden light turns a dark red, lightning crackling along the edges. there are hands, so many hands, coming up to grab at Emerson, who is wide-eyed and trying to reach out to his brother, screams silenced as he is seemingly pulled apart into thin air, ribbons of flesh dancing away before his very eyes. it was all too much, and Remington's body gave from under him, vision fading to black. a righteous heat burst from where his left leg once was, the welcomed price of sin.  
.

with a mighty groan, Remington awoke, temporarily blinded by brightness. all around him was empty white space, absent of anything else beyond a pair of doors and a smirking figure who looks far too gleeful, for how shapeless they appear to be. when they speak, it is like a thousand voices all at once, making Remington think of the angels in the stories mom would read to them before bed. something heavy settles in his throat, rendering him speechless as they stepped closer, grabbing at his chin to bring him eye-level.  
"I must applaud you, little alchemist, for making it to my realm thus far," they purr, and Remington feels decidedly weak at that moment. "You performed the ultimate taboo, and now you shall pay the price. Tell me, young one, do you know the first rule of equivalent exchange?" he slowly nods, and when he opens his mouth to speak, he can't seem to recall his voice ever having been so quiet. "Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost." they clapped in an almost mocking manner. "Very good! You see, child, I am the very universe itself; I am dark, I am light, I am what many choose to ignore. Simply put, I am Truth, and for what you did, it is only fair that I take something of great value in return." with a snap of their fingers and a great burst of wind that causes the gates to open, Remington lets loose an agonized scream, every nerve in his body going haywire. it lasts for only a moment, leaving him a shivering mess upon the floor. "I would say a leg is fair exchange, no?" they muse, more to themself than anyone else, ignoring as Remington screams once again, wide and horrified eyes taking in the bloody stump of what was once his left leg. with a flick of the wrist, everything goes dark again after that, he's once more falling down, somewhere into the waiting abyss.

.

with a startled gasp, Remington abruptly shoots up from where he was slumped over on the floor, pain blooming from all over, but focused more on where his left leg once was, ashen skin decorated with flaking smears of red. the room is in utter disarray, with papers strewn this way and that, the circle equal parts smudged and caked with cooling blood. with horror in his eyes, there's the muted acknowledgement of no other body present in the room. head slowly filling with the darkest thoughts he could conjure up, he almost misses the labored groan of pain from somewhere nearby. turning to the right, his eyed widen as the creature crawls across the floor; it's a mangled twist of organs and protruding bones, a slimy hand reaching out to brush his knee as he scrambles backwards, before collapsing without much grace, akin to a puppet cut from the strings. he's quick to lose what little bit of breakfast he had scarfed down earlier in the day, skin taking on a pallor as he bodily shudders, feeling a sensation akin to ice cold water down his spine. the most he can think to manage is a weak whimper as his head throbs and aches, overloading on knowledge beyond the doors being swallowed by empty space. his hands ache with unrestrained power, vision growing hazy as he crawls towards the suit of armor. shaking fingers dip into his stump, drawing out blood as he works from muscle memory, swiping a pattern into the empty space between the chest cavity and the helmet, of which is somewhere off to the side. inhaling slowly, tears gather at the corners of his eyes. "Please, bring Emerson back," he cries, clapping his hands together once again to slam down onto the armor, "he's the only one I have left!"  
Truth slowly smiles, nodding as it is done, the small child screaming in pain at the sensation of his arm being torn apart. blood flows more frequently, gathering in a puddle underneath, cloaking the child in a halo of red as he passes out once more, never hearing the confused cries of his baby brother ring into the night. once more, it is fuzzy.

.

the sound of someone frantically hammering against the door in the middle of the night is what wakes Andy up, hair an utter mess and gaze unfocused as she moves down the stairs, pausing in shock when Grandpa opens the door, revealing a suit of armor, holding onto what appeared to be the body of...  
"oh my god, Remington?!" Andy yells, taking the rest two at a time when her grandfather takes his body, eyes roaming over all the injuries that had to be catalogued. it's not pretty, not in the slightest, and the pained whine he lets out spurs the elder on further, using the table in the dining room as a makeshift operating table. in between helping her grandfather keep clean and watching him work, Andy sits next to the suit of armor, looking hesitant to actually reach out and touch. the armor seems to take the initiative, pulling her into a familiar hug, Emerson's voice so full of sorrow that it made her heart positively ache.  
"Oh, Em, what did you two do?" she asks, almost afraid of what the answer might be. Emerson seems to shrink in on himself, voice as quiet as ever. "We wanted to bring mom back, but paid the ultimate price for what happened as a result. I'm lucky to even be alive, much less we hope about Remington." Andy takes a moment to inhale deeply, breathing labored, before collapsing into a heap, held up by Emerson's strong grip. she wept and wept, praying to whatever being was out there that Remington made it out alive. the sight of bloodied rags gave her a headache, and she stepped away quietly, watching the sky light up in brilliant pinks and oranges. today was a new day, a hopeful explanation, and something deep in her gut whispering that there was a bigger picture yet to be seen. if only she realized sooner.

.

Truth hummed in delight, already mapping out the possible outcomes in their head. after all, who said they couldn't meddle at least a little bit?


End file.
